I will backhand you, with love

Discipline.  It's such a tricky issue to navigate as parents.  So many times, our Heavenly Father gives us mercy when we deserve punishment.  Other times, He lets the consequences of our mistakes hit us until we learn.  Sometimes it's the same lesson over and over again until it sinks in.  He knows the outcome, our hearts, our needs, but with our kids, so much is guesswork.  How do we know when to model Christ's mercy? How do we balance that with enough discipline to create responsible adults.  What form should that discipline take?

I'm sure this post is going to offend some people, and I'm okay with that, because it seems like not that long ago I was on the receiving end of many of the afore mentioned backhands, and without them, I fear I would have gone irreconcilably astray.  Let me also say that the person who should have administered said backhand, abdicated his role as parent, and opted instead for the role of fun guy, where he figured loosely in and out, until for healthy boundary reasons, I severed communication.  I learned from the stark contrast of these two men, the the parent who loves, is the parent who disciplines.

As you may have gathered from my previous posts, my oldest child is a bundle of will. As she tries to find her place in this world, and her role in our family, she tests boundaries, manipulates emotions, and has bouts of open defiance.  Lately, we have been reexamining our disciplinary arsenal to deal with back-talk, dirty looks, bad attitude, feigned ignorance, and intentional disobedience (it's like a mini teenager!).  Frankly, these things scare me, because I think that left unchecked they are the things that have led to a generation with a gigantic sense of entitlement and no personal accountability.  They scare me because often all of our efforts seem to have no impact.  She will say things like, "I'm never going to learn anything from this.", or (when I told her I was done messing around and it was time to get serious, " This isn't very serious!." They scare me because the line between too much and not enough is so thin, and peril lies on both sides.

So, one night after a trying day in the discipline arena, I prayed for fortitude and patience, and to be able to always discipline with love.  Afterword, we told her we love her, and explained that we would find a way to help her learn, and because we love her we will never give up.  We will keep providing consistent discipline again and again as long as it takes, and then I said to her, " Do you know you can backhand someone with love?"

It seems today there is so much fear of invalidating a child's feelings, that we negotiate with children as though they could reason like adults.  Our culture is afraid to parent, to expect obedience, to provide discipline, to teach our kids that our choices have consequences, before those consequences get too big and irreversible, and we are doing those kids a lifelong disservice. So, while I don't believe we should spank in anger, or for every circumstance, I do believe that when rewards don't work, and the " consequence jar" fails, when what my child needs is a good old fashioned smackdown, that's my job.  Sometimes the most loving thing you can give a child is a good swat.

Homemaker

 Once upon a time, in a far away place, when I was a young girl of 21, someone once told me, "It is the woman's job to set the tone of the home." She was a beautiful and classy lady in her 50's, and I thought her words profound indeed, though at the time I thought she meant that the woman's choices in furniture and decor created the nature of the space in which the family would live.  Due to my ever advancing age, I now realize there was much more to it than that.The woman herself, her moods, her being impacts her family in ways both obvious and subtle.  Her priorities and sensibilities will influence the way her children will think, how they will remember their childhood, will constantly affect the happiness of her husband.  She will literally, intentionally or inadvertently, "set the tone of the home."
Homemaker is, therefore, a verb; with my actions and choices I am, for good or ill, making my home.

When I was a teenager, I mocked these women, these homemakers.  I did not understand their motives, their subservience.  I did not know they had a secret that was beyond me: love. A love that makes you want to work as hard at home as your husband does away from it, not because women are less, but to strive to be equal: equally giving your all to those you love.

When I sang, that was my identity.  It was all about me, and when I gave it up, I didn't know who I was, but God gave me a new identity, and each day he tries to teach me to serve like Christ.
One day, I may have a job again, I may even sing again, but those things will not define me.  Learning to honor God with my life and my family is the process that will.

Many intelligent, wonderful women belittle their own worth and contribution.  They get bogged down in feeling like"just a housewife", but you and I, we are not just housewives, we are homemakers.  Let us make them with intention.

Heavenly Father, help us each day to make our homes with intelligence and humor, with grace and wisdom, with love.