Clean little secret: My love/hate relationship with admitting I need help

All is calm at the Taylor's.  It is nap time.  The kids are asleep and all is quiet.  I sit serenely, coffee in hand. I feel unruffled and at ease. Why? Because the housekeeper just left.

Yes, you heard that right.  My amazing, awesome, loving husband has put it in the budget for me to have help 8 hours a month! It's only 8 hours, so it's not like I'm going to take up soaps and bon bon eating or anything, (not that I would anyway), but it does mean that when I'm frazzled and fried, and I just can't do it all, for this season of my life when the kids are so small, I have somewhere to turn.  I love it! I feel less chaotic when I know she's coming, and so peaceful when she leaves.

I love my home as much as it is possible to love a physical location this side of heaven, but, it's one third bigger than our old house, and it's a lot to clean, especially with three little helpers.  Sometimes, (gasp!) I need help.

There I said it, I need help....I do OK for the most part, as long as no one gets sick, there are no expected errands, and I have no friends, but then, like a house of cards in the wind, order crumbles.  It seems my house can go from homey and lovely to call the health department in 5.6.

Having someone to turn to, to help me dig out of the rubble seems wonderful beyond my wildest housewife dreams, but, it also makes me wonder if I've failed.....Does needing help make me less than the wife I should be? Does admitting I can't do it all make me weak? Does spending that money make me selfish? On and on. I have my moments when I let these worries carry me, but then I realize: if I have more time and less stress, and I can achieve more presence with my husband and kids, it's worth every penny, and every ounce of set aside pride.

It doesn't make me weak, it makes me sane, and realistic, and lucky.  When I concede that I can't always be super mom/wife/homemaker, ironically I become better at all of those things.  Take a deep breath and say it with me: Sometimes, I need help.

And then next time your MIL offers to take the kids, or your small group offers to help you move, or your husband offers to pay for a sitter or a cleaning lady, TAKE IT, knowing it doesn't make you less; it allows you to be more.

Mommy blogger

I don't consistently read many blogs, but they're always there, on my news feed, "6 ways to serve your husband today!", or "How to create more peace in your home in 5 easy steps!".  Sometimes I click on them; they always contain sound biblical advice, but in the midst of , "Steve and I had a little tiff. I was angry, hey, I'm not perfect, haha, so I went to my room and had a little sit down with the Holy Spirit, and He told me, Marsha, you're just not edifying your husband when you act this way.  If you kissed him passionately when he walked in the door and met his needs first, and forgave him when you squabble, you wouldn't have this unwholesome sinful attitude, and I said, you know what HS, you're totally right, I'm going to go out there right now with a big smile, and apologize, and seduce my man in proper Christian housewife fashion, by golly.  Thanks for the chat." I get weary. That's an exaggeration, I know, and I do learn good stuff from those girls, but apparently, they are miles ahead of me on the quick repentance and turnaround scale.

Sometimes, I just want to hear one of these women say, "'After 10 years, for the love, you'd think that man could walk in the door, and see that look in my eye that indicates impending madness, and just say, 'Okay, mommy's going to retreat to the bathtub for a little timeout, daddy's got this', but due to the male inability to read subtle facial cues, said interception failed to occur, and mommy lost her um, composure, during dinner time and screamed disproportionately to the present transgression, like a lunatic." I mean,  I am I alone???? I just want someone else to get real, and say, just because you love Jesus doesn't mean you never break open at the seams, and fail to properly excuse yourself for a little chat with HS before things get ugly.  Sometimes it gets ugly and raw, even when you do love Jesus.

I want to serve my husband today! and create peace in my home as much as the next person, but there aren't five easy steps.  The steps are hard, and I get tired, and I just want to hear someone acknowledge that. Jesus gets me back on track.  He holds my marriage together when I'm so tired I could throw in the towel.  He brings me back when I think that I'm such a terrible mother that my children would be better of without me, but the hard days are still real.  They remind me of my need.  They bring me low before Jesus. They make me so thankful that I have him to mend me and know my heart. So from this mommy blogger to you: You're not alone, your ugly isn't worse than everyone else's. It isn't too much for Jesus.  You aren't the only one who gets tired, who doubts yourself, who just wants a break, or a sound proof room to scream in. We're in this together, and we've got Jesus, and bath tubs, and wine...we're gonna be ok.