The other day while my sister-in-law was visiting, as I was out of the room checking on the dinner, Baylie took her first toddling steps into the void. I, who am with her nearly every waking moment, turned my back for two minutes, and missed it. She has not ventured out again since, so I am sure there will be many more tentative steps to come, so I couldn't figure out why it made me sad.
I guess it is because it seems like a metaphor for what my life is like. I am always here, and yet often feel as though I am missing it. My memories of Morgan's babyhood are hazy, and, though it seems in the moment that Baylie is frozen in time, her current stage of development so all consuming that it blocks out all else, she changes daily, before my eyes. Mine is now a world devoid of toothless grins and stay puff marsh mellow rolls. I am faced with it: there will be no more littles. While all my friends continue to procreate away, I am done (unless of course God has other plans!). This by choice; I am eager for the days of freedom from nap times, with museum outings, symphonies in the park, and easier camping trips where no one has to nurse at night; none the less, the thought is a little sad.
I get so wrapped up in orchestrating the minutia that is our day to day life, that the magic of what a friend of mine calls "whimsy" often passes me by; not because of absence, but because in the whirlwind of motherhood, I can not hold on to the perspective that childhood is as fleeting as a poppy's bloom, and that in it's wake, I will look back, and my children will have been fearfully and wonderfully made, right in front of me, and I will have missed it.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Loaves and Fish again
I was standing in the grocery store line when I saw it; the little donation jar for a baby who needs heart surgery. "I can't give", I thought. "I only brought the grocery money cash, and the list already extends the budget to the max, but what if that were my baby? What if nobody gave anything, because they couldn't give enough?" God's provision is enough; it will work." I told myself, and I put some money in the jar. Not much, but something, and I continued on to the other places in my route.
Not to brag, but I am a pro shopper. I put a cost estimate before every item on the list, so that I know where I am in the budget, and I am usually very close, so I cannot tell you how, at the end of the list, I had money leftover for some things that should have been on the list, but I thought would have to wait. Nor can I tell you how after that there was still money leftover to go back into the grocery envelope. I can tell you, that it seemed like God was saying to me, "Don't be concerned about what to eat and drink. Don't worry about such things. These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers all over the world, but your Father already knows your needs. Seek the Kingdom above all else, and He will give you everything you need.", and I pray that this small example of His great provision will embolden me to greater obedience and trust.
Not to brag, but I am a pro shopper. I put a cost estimate before every item on the list, so that I know where I am in the budget, and I am usually very close, so I cannot tell you how, at the end of the list, I had money leftover for some things that should have been on the list, but I thought would have to wait. Nor can I tell you how after that there was still money leftover to go back into the grocery envelope. I can tell you, that it seemed like God was saying to me, "Don't be concerned about what to eat and drink. Don't worry about such things. These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers all over the world, but your Father already knows your needs. Seek the Kingdom above all else, and He will give you everything you need.", and I pray that this small example of His great provision will embolden me to greater obedience and trust.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Spots
I just had to share with you this little testimony of the power of the Holy Spirit.
Last night after the kids were in bed, my husband and I sat down to watch a sermon on parenting that we had missed. After it was over and we were discussing it, my husband told me that he needs to read his bible, so that we are making sure to use it in our daily life with our kids, so that word centered reasoning becomes our automatic response, and we aren't missing teachable moments.
It brought me back to what seems like not long ago when I felt the Holy Spirit working in my life, and I asked him if he thought it would impact our marriage negatively if I were to become a Christian, and he said, "I don't care what you believe, as long as it doesn't change you, or our life."
Hahahahaha!
That's right, I don't mind if you are a leopard, as long as you don't have any spots, or fur, and as long as you don't eat meat! But, he came to church with me a few times, and then more; he tried small group, and liked it.....and look who's a leopard now my friends, spots and all.
Last night after the kids were in bed, my husband and I sat down to watch a sermon on parenting that we had missed. After it was over and we were discussing it, my husband told me that he needs to read his bible, so that we are making sure to use it in our daily life with our kids, so that word centered reasoning becomes our automatic response, and we aren't missing teachable moments.
It brought me back to what seems like not long ago when I felt the Holy Spirit working in my life, and I asked him if he thought it would impact our marriage negatively if I were to become a Christian, and he said, "I don't care what you believe, as long as it doesn't change you, or our life."
Hahahahaha!
That's right, I don't mind if you are a leopard, as long as you don't have any spots, or fur, and as long as you don't eat meat! But, he came to church with me a few times, and then more; he tried small group, and liked it.....and look who's a leopard now my friends, spots and all.
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