Bloom

It is 8:30 am, and I am still trying to sweep the fog from my brain. I took Baylie to school in my pajamas (for the billionth time this month), my house is a mess, I am exhausted and hoping I haven't missed anything major, like that near fiasco with the school Valentine's last week. My son does have on pants today, but only because he had to ride in the car. I am frayed and unravelling,....but I am full; so full.

For the first time in years I am singing. Another student of my voice teacher mentioned that the opera chorus was short handed, and so I landed among them, a small insignificant piece in a magnificent drama....a dedicated group of people who volunteer their time because they are passionate about creating art. This art form is so transient; months of work will come to fruition and fade in three hours, but their passion is inspiring and undimmed.

Honestly, when the opportunity arose, the first thing that crossed my mind was, "Nope, certainly not....way past my bed time, " but nipping persistently on the heals of that though was the nagging wonder of what memories I would have at the end of my days if I let anxiety drive me. Who would I become if I am ruled by fear? One day at a time, God sustains me, and one day at a time I am able to participate in something beautiful, and no matter how exhausted I am, I appreciate where I am, because either I am with talented committed artists crafting a work of beauty, or I am at home with my loves. No matter where I am, I would not rather be anywhere else, and that is, for a season, worth the cost of the fatigue, the mess, the hectic chaos.

What is it that kindles a blaze in you? Is it time to set fear aside and press against your perceived limitations? What could you be capable of just outside of your comfort zone? What would it cost you to find out? Like winter, a season of dormancy can be healing and productive, but when spring comes, let us not hesitate to bloom.

Are you choosing faith or fear?

Yesterday, before I opened my bible, I prayed for God to direct me to a place where He wanted me to be, and to have something jump out at me. I don't always read my bible this way (the random opening strategy) and I don't always start with that prayer, but I did because of something our wise and venerable pastor Vern said during a recent sermon. I opened my bible to Deuteronomy, and I was like, come on God, really, zzzzzz......boring. I read a little, and I was like, really? This is what you've got? Nothing's jumping. But I thought a felt a nudge to keep reading, and not opt for a reflip like I really wanted to, and I ended up in the story of when the Israelites come across the promised land, and they see the scary Amorites, and, even though they have been assured of victory, and have been shown clear paths, they're like ( I think that may be a record for using the word like in my blog....no I'm not a sophomore in high school....whatever, don't judge.) no way...these guys are huge. We are not going in there. God is really bummed that they put the obstacles that they see above the times that they have seen Him be faithful. He had already given them a great gift, and

they didn't take possession of it, because they were afraid. Did you get that? Talk about jumping out! It was already theirs, but they were too afraid to claim it....even though God said, "Do not be terrified, for the Lord who is going before you will fight for you."

The Lord, who hems us in before and behind has given us great gifts, He knows our ways, and has trodden our path before us. If he wants us to win, we are assured of victory, and if we loose, we were never meant to win. That is amazing! But just like them, so often, we magnify our obstacles and minimize our God.

I have been nervous about the up coming auditions for the opera season, even knowing that that nervousness is the single most likely thing to stand in the way of me doing my best. But God has seen those auditions. If He wants me to have a roll, I will get one, and if none are meant for me, then do I truly want one anyway? No. There is nothing within my power to thwart Gods plan. There is nothing in the power of the people on that panel to thwart Gods plan.

He does not give us a spirit of fear. He gives us many good gifts, and when we do not seize them because we have our eye on our obstacles and are enemies instead of on our God, that makes Him sad. Let's not wander in the wilderness, because we chosen to act in fear instead of faith. What would you have the courage to do today, if you knew that God has gone before you on your journey?

PS (I would love it if you actually answered that question in the comments!)