I Am Nevuh Comming Out of My Room, Evuh!!!!

In my family (of origin), we yell.  Even if something is really not a big deal, we still yell, and if you are the type of person who is not inclined to yell, no one will ever hear you, because everyone else is yelling.  It seems to be a time honored family trait.  My grandparents, who have been together since their teens, seem to thrive on antagonizing one another; it brings them joy.  If they did not have each other to yell at, they would be supreamely miserable.

It never occured to me until after I realized how much I was yelling at my daughter, that I might have the option of just not yelling.  It should come as no surprize therefore, that my nearly four year old, who does not want to go to school, is in her room shouting, nay, screaming, "If You Don't Come Back Right Now, I'm Nevuh Comming Out Of My Room, (dramatic pause) EVUH!"

One year ago, a shouting match would have ensued, but now, a few too many appologies for mommy loosing her cool, and a lot of time in prayer later, I am able to say calmly, " You may come out when you are quiet and calm. In one hour, you will get in the car, even if you are still in your pajamas." Yay Holy Spirit!,  because that definitely was not me.

I know that to at least some extent, her outbursts are a result of my poor modeling, and I feel guilty that my second born has a more even tempered mother than my first did, but then I remember that conviction is from Him, and guilt is not.  I know that he is using my struggle for self-restraint to show her what it looks like to work through a strong temper, and to show us both the grace of forgiving and moving on.

During those first couple of years of adjusting to motherhood, I spent so much time expecting the impossible from myself and my husband, that I underestimated God's provision for me in my exhaustion, and through all of my old family baggage.  The more I depend upon Him, the more I experience his sublime grace through the chaos of this season.  I know I haven't lost my temper for the last time, but today, I secretly empathize with my beautiful tempest's flair for the dramatic, and though she cannot hear me, today, I do not yell~I laugh.