Katie Scarlette hangs up her mantle of self-serving B! and tries to become Melanie Wilkes

Marriage is like having a baby.  People can tell you about how hard it is, and until you are in the situation, it's all just the voice of Charlie Brown's teacher. Our pastor recently quoted Katherine Ann Porter- "Marriage is the merciless revealer, the great white searchlight turned on the darkest places of human nature.", and it struck me how much my marriage is revealing to Me about my shortcommings.   I try to become the wife and mother that God wants me to be, but it's a constant struggle against myself (read-I suck at it!), so I decided to start this blog, just in case there is anyone out there that can be encouraged by my epic failures and continued efforts.

There is a woman inside my head who my husband needs me to be.  She's a morning person, she didn't loose her sense of playfulness when we had kids, she doesn't loose her cool when things don't go according to plan, she has boundless energy and is always cheerful, and she NEVER gets too tierd, stressed, or distracted to make love enthusiastically-there's more, but I'm sure you get the idea.  I wish I was her, and I try to be, but more often than not, the moment comes and my tounge slips, or I am exhausted, and..I fail.  I am sure my husband thinks about this nonexistant woman far less than I do, but I live with the constant guilt of not being her.

I want to be a Godly wife "more valuable than rubies", but on the other hand, the shrew in me is frustrated.  I use to be able to wound when wounded. I inherited a wicked tongue and a lawyer's mind.  I can trap a man in his own words before he can figure out what happened, but as a Christian, I am supposed to check my arsenol at the alter and take the high road of self-control (with good reason, I know), but as my husband is a seeker, and not a Christian, the playing feild isn't totally level.

So, long story short, I find the role of temperate wife and mother does not come naturally, and will be a battle and hopefully a source of humorous antecdotes for some time to come.  So, mabey someone will relate, or maybe I'm sending this out into the void, but in either case, I gain perspective from putting it out there, so wish me luck!