You always hear people, moms in particular, talking about finding balance. It is ever illusive; we are always seeking it. Like my daughter creating traps at school for the St. Patrick's day leprechaun, which cruelly, she does not know isn't real. Likewise, I don't really think balance is an achievable thing, or at least it is a slippery slope; if it is found, it is impossible to maintain. Life's constant is change, so just when we figure out a system that works for our life, our children enter a new stage, jobs, finances, or something changes. A facebook friend was asking a few weeks ago, how to find balance between spending precious time with littles, and managing all of our other responsibilities, and that really got me thinking about this. I very rarely offer practical advice here, and I have in no way figured this out, so the practical advice I am about to offer is worth very little, and for working mothers, I can only offer you enormous admiration, and very little else. Yes, you, take one third of the time the rest of us have, and go ahead and work a miracle, you can do it! Seriously, I stay home all day, and I can't get everything done with the time I have, so working moms blow my mind.
In any case, here are a few things that I have learned along the way that work for me. Concerning house keeping, I think the key is to discern how clean your house really needs to be and let the rest go. For me, this level is "clean enough not to be embarrassed if a friend stops by unannounced". I don't always get there, but at least I know what I'm working toward, otherwise, I think you can drive yourself crazy. There really is no way to achieve perfection all of the time, and most of us, unless you or your spouse are OCD, probably don't need that. After that, you can set aside time for specific projects or extras if you have the time, but you don't stress yourself out with unrealistic expectations. I used to think my husband wanted a perfectly clean house, but have learned over the years that given the choice between this and a wife who is on the verge of emotional collapse, he will take the less clean house, and more stable wife.
This brings me to the next point on house keeping: priorities. For my husband, it's the kitchen, so if I know I have finite time or energy, I try to focus where it counts. I also divide up the tasks so I never have to spend a whole day cleaning, such as bathrooms Monday, mopping Tuesday, etc, but I have done it the other way too, and each has it's advantages. As far as meals, I find menu planning enormously helpful, and on extra busy days, freezer prep and the crock pot is my best friend.
On kids: I probably err on the side of not playing enough with my kids, because honestly, I hate to play. I enjoy reading to them, and I don't mind the occasional craft, puzzle, coloring, or board game, but imaginary play, I suck at. So possibly for that reason, but definitely for reasons of fostering creativity and independence, I am going to suggest that it is actually good for them to play on their own, besides, this is what they have siblings for. (Just kidding, the real reason for that is because for all the effect birth control has on me, I might as well take skittles) I like to set them up with crafts to the degree that they are trustworthy, but frankly, this is why my walls are colored on and cut with scissors, so this goes in waves, depending on my current degree of amnesia regarding the last bout of destruction. I also only allow one show or movie per kid per week, so I try to use this judiciously, in the time of upmost need. I find that small amounts of time make a great deal of difference to kids, since their attention span is short anyway, so try setting a timer for yourself allotting so much work time, and then so much focused time on your kids. Again, I suggest doing what you don't hate, so the time will be more pleasant for all involved. If I try forcing myself to play, it usually ends badly, and your presence is generally more important than the content of the activity anyway. Sometimes, of course, you will have to do things you'd rather not, but on the daily, there aren't bonus points for self torture.
Next I am going to suggest that you know who you are, so that you know what to say no to. None of us can do it all, so it's best to do what you can sanely. My kids will not favorably remember that I baked 5 things for the bake sale, sewed all of their Halloween costumes, and kept a spotless house, if I am subsequently institutionalized, so I do what Shauna Neiquist does in her book Cold Tangerines, and keep a list of things I do, and things I don't do, so I keep within the grid of what I really want my life to be about, and don't harbor guilt for things which fall outside of that. I, for instance do garden, and don't homeschool.
Lastly, I am going to repeat the oft repeated time for yourself thing. Impossible I know, but for the well being of all around you, you really must carve out space for yourself, not just space in which you do nothing, though sometimes we need that, but space to do something that refreshes you and gives you life. If I am behaving badly, sometimes removing myself to pray for even 5 minutes outside will do if that's all the time I can steal.
You may have noticed that I have said nothing about spending quality time with ones husband; this is because I am nursing a baby, and have no clue how to accomplish this! So, if you have additional suggestions, or have caught the elusive balance leprechaun, I would love to hear your tips and tricks!
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