All is calm at the Taylor's. It is nap time. The kids are asleep and all is quiet. I sit serenely, coffee in hand. I feel unruffled and at ease. Why? Because the housekeeper just left.
Yes, you heard that right. My amazing, awesome, loving husband has put it in the budget for me to have help 8 hours a month! It's only 8 hours, so it's not like I'm going to take up soaps and bon bon eating or anything, (not that I would anyway), but it does mean that when I'm frazzled and fried, and I just can't do it all, for this season of my life when the kids are so small, I have somewhere to turn. I love it! I feel less chaotic when I know she's coming, and so peaceful when she leaves.
I love my home as much as it is possible to love a physical location this side of heaven, but, it's one third bigger than our old house, and it's a lot to clean, especially with three little helpers. Sometimes, (gasp!) I need help.
There I said it, I need help....I do OK for the most part, as long as no one gets sick, there are no expected errands, and I have no friends, but then, like a house of cards in the wind, order crumbles. It seems my house can go from homey and lovely to call the health department in 5.6.
Having someone to turn to, to help me dig out of the rubble seems wonderful beyond my wildest housewife dreams, but, it also makes me wonder if I've failed.....Does needing help make me less than the wife I should be? Does admitting I can't do it all make me weak? Does spending that money make me selfish? On and on. I have my moments when I let these worries carry me, but then I realize: if I have more time and less stress, and I can achieve more presence with my husband and kids, it's worth every penny, and every ounce of set aside pride.
It doesn't make me weak, it makes me sane, and realistic, and lucky. When I concede that I can't always be super mom/wife/homemaker, ironically I become better at all of those things. Take a deep breath and say it with me: Sometimes, I need help.
And then next time your MIL offers to take the kids, or your small group offers to help you move, or your husband offers to pay for a sitter or a cleaning lady, TAKE IT, knowing it doesn't make you less; it allows you to be more.
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