Settling for Less

I am a list girl.  I measure my worth by accomplishment, but with all of my recent pregnancy and other ailments, I have had to let my list go, and instead go with the motto, "Do what's most important." If I can do more after that, then I move on to the next most important thing.  This method is unnatural to me; it is against the fiber of who I am, but in this season, it's the best I can do.

You know the pinterest meme, " Some moms make homemade soaps, and reindeer treats, while I'm lucky I got a shower and my kids survived the day."? It seems I have both of these mom's inside of me in a constant stage of warfare.  They are like the good and bad proverbial angels atop my shoulder's....but which one is really good? Pinterest, list making mama definitely gets more done, but worn out tired mama snuggles my kids and reads them stories, and doesn't worry so much about rushing off to the next thing.  A while ago my oldest daughter brought me a sheet of paper that she had written on.  She couldn't make words at the time, so they were just random letters, but everything on the page had lines through it.  I'm sure you have guessed that when I asked her about it, she said it was her list, just like mama.  Is that what I want to create? I'm not sure.  I miss a lot of beautiful moments snapping at my kids because of my drive to reach the bottom of that list; even if I include the fun stuff, like crafts or baking cookies, in my mind it's just another thing that has to get done.  And for what anyway? It's not like a mama's work ever gets DONE, like I'm ever going to just sit back and say, I did everything on my list, my work here is complete.

I'm sure that as soon as I'm able, I'll go back to using my list, but I hope I take away a lesson from this time, that I need to settle for a bit less on that list, so that I can give more to my kids within the stuff that has to get done, so that I don't become a model of something ugly because someone didn't buckle their car seat with military efficiency, or be unable to enjoy the moments we have together because I want to cross off  "make banana bread".  It's easier said than done, but my prayer for all of us as Christmas comes, and beyond, is that we don't loose our kids or our minds in the bustle of our to-do lists.  After all, dirty floors, dishes, and laundry will be there another day, but those tiny moments of sublime grace are so easy to miss.