Elven doors

For years, when I would meet someone new and tell them about my life, I would say, "I was a singer." It felt like a eulogy for myself. I gave up singing because it had always been about me, and I had reached an intersecting path where, if it continued to be about me, then that's what my life would become and remain: selfish and solitary. I made the right choice, a choice that has allowed me to have a great marriage and family. I knew singing was a part of me, but I was not safe with it, yet.

God pursued me down many dark alleys, and eventually, I surrendered to Him. I prayed to love Him, and He answered me. People came along side me who loved me and prayed that some day I could use my gift in a way that would not be about me, that would glorify God (thank you, I love and appreciate you). I could not see the path forward, but a time came when I felt a nudge to begin to study. He provided a way to pay for my lessons. My family encouraged me to find out how to become involved with the local opera company, but I did not do it, and then one day the door, which it seemed could never open for me flew open in my face, with the offer to jump in on the Turandot chorus. I wasn't ready, I told God and myself, and yet, I knew He wanted me to do it, and so I did.

Then, auditions came, and I told my teacher, "It's been too long, I'm not ready, I can't do it, I'm not good enough." She encouraged me. I prayed, and I read, and He reminded me that you can't mess up, circumvent, escape, or elude His plan. If He wanted me to do this, I would get a role, and if He didn't I wouldn't. That made me a little brave. I prayed to want what He wants. I got a part. I got a part; in the very opera that made me want to become a singer when I was a little girl. I felt so blessed to be able to do what I love and was made to do that I cried. I don't have to talk about myself in the past tense anymore. I am so thankful.

You might not sing, but the lesson is this: Like the elven doors that you can not enter with all of the force in the world if you don't know the pass word or have the key, if you are outside of God's will for your life, you can beat with frustration on the doors forever, like I used to do when it was all for me, and they will never open....but when you give it to His will, He will swing wide the doors that are meant for you. That doesn't mean it will always be easy, or that you will always "get the part" you thought you wanted, but that the one that's meant for you, you will. God goes before you. Whatever "it" is for you. Give it up, and be brave, even a little brave. Glory be to God, whose plan for us is better than our imagination.